Someone wanted to be near Harry, just to be near him.
There is something so pure about the way you've written this idea. Just to be near him. There is just so much simplicity there - it's like the most basic human drive; this want for comfort in others. It's a very poignant line. I like that you make particular significance about the fact that someone wants to be near Harry. Maybe Harry's never thought before that he could make anyone feel something that strong and positive toward him. I just love that line there. There really are just so many ways to read it - it says so much.
He'd found Malfoy. Everything else seemed rather pointless.
You have a gift of pouring so much depth into so few words. This. This just says everything in the span of two sentences. Nothing matters at this very moment except for Draco. It's so simple but so all-encompassing as far as Harry's emotions are concerned.
Now every movement was entrancing, because Harry could put an emotion behind it. That tightening of his jaw... that was stubbornness. The tremble to his lower lip when he breathed, desire and sorrow. The almost imperceptible hitch of his shoulders... oh, no, no, that was the shame.
This is so lovely as well! Once you know something about someone, you read that into everything they do - it's such a universal feeling. Draco's body has become a map of his emotions; Before it was blank, but now there's a way to read it.
And oh wow, this whole thing about words as magic, words as truth. That whole build up to the "I love you". It's wonderfully executed; The pacing is invigorating and perfect. God. I have nothing to say other than wow. That part is breathtaking. I think that this passage may be my favorite thing you've ever written. And oh god, this: It was the fist time Harry had seen him, truly seen him and this: "Please. Don't. Just let me hear it for a little longer." *deep breaths* This is really gorgeous writing here; structurally and syntactically, but, most importantly, emotionally.
I love this whole way you've written magic as a means of transferring emotions. That spell forces things out in the open when the words can't be found to explain.
and he saw Draco's eyes begin to die right in front of his face
Oh my god, that image is just... when coupled with all the surrounding lines, it's probably one of the most powerful things I've ever read. I've always had an affinity for eyes and descriptions of eyes. But that... there's this hopelessness, this futility conveyed in this idea of eyes dying.
My dear, this chapter is aigfdhuiojsdfhgyuhijsdagha. Translation: it's a keyboard mash of emotions. There's so much here and you've written it, as usual, in a vivid and compelling way.
no subject
There is something so pure about the way you've written this idea. Just to be near him. There is just so much simplicity there - it's like the most basic human drive; this want for comfort in others. It's a very poignant line. I like that you make particular significance about the fact that someone wants to be near Harry. Maybe Harry's never thought before that he could make anyone feel something that strong and positive toward him. I just love that line there. There really are just so many ways to read it - it says so much.
He'd found Malfoy. Everything else seemed rather pointless.
You have a gift of pouring so much depth into so few words. This. This just says everything in the span of two sentences. Nothing matters at this very moment except for Draco. It's so simple but so all-encompassing as far as Harry's emotions are concerned.
Now every movement was entrancing, because Harry could put an emotion behind it. That tightening of his jaw... that was stubbornness. The tremble to his lower lip when he breathed, desire and sorrow. The almost imperceptible hitch of his shoulders... oh, no, no, that was the shame.
This is so lovely as well! Once you know something about someone, you read that into everything they do - it's such a universal feeling. Draco's body has become a map of his emotions; Before it was blank, but now there's a way to read it.
And oh wow, this whole thing about words as magic, words as truth. That whole build up to the "I love you". It's wonderfully executed; The pacing is invigorating and perfect. God. I have nothing to say other than wow. That part is breathtaking. I think that this passage may be my favorite thing you've ever written. And oh god, this: It was the fist time Harry had seen him, truly seen him and this: "Please. Don't. Just let me hear it for a little longer." *deep breaths* This is really gorgeous writing here; structurally and syntactically, but, most importantly, emotionally.
I love this whole way you've written magic as a means of transferring emotions. That spell forces things out in the open when the words can't be found to explain.
and he saw Draco's eyes begin to die right in front of his face
Oh my god, that image is just... when coupled with all the surrounding lines, it's probably one of the most powerful things I've ever read. I've always had an affinity for eyes and descriptions of eyes. But that... there's this hopelessness, this futility conveyed in this idea of eyes dying.
My dear, this chapter is aigfdhuiojsdfhgyuhijsdagha. Translation: it's a keyboard mash of emotions. There's so much here and you've written it, as usual, in a vivid and compelling way.
♥