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Aug. 31st, 2004 07:50 pmI am in such pain right now.
Before I get into why, let me direct you to the latest chapter of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lilysunshine1's fic Hit the Floor. H/D, NC-17. This chapter is heartbreaking, and certainly has contributed to the wound I am feeling right now, but this is a good thing. I will get into WHY later. For now...
Previous chapters
and...
Calm Before the Storm
...
Now...
My heart feels like it is bleeding. It's a slow wound. First torn open last night in the late quiet hours. I sat down and finally watched Cold Mountain. I don't know if I can talk about it just yet, except to say that I want to sit and read every last book on the Civil War, as I wanted to do when I first saw Gettysburg about eight years ago. I have always had a rabid interest in American History, and the time period of this movie is one of the most wrenching, saddening moments of my country's history. Not only was everyone fighting, we were fighting each other. Killing family, friends... and the chaos that followed each battle was horrendous and haunting.
I am finding it very difficult to pull myself out of this funk. This is nothing new, however. I thrive on movies that ellicit these emotions, and I tend to enjoy, in some very odd way, the tightness and pain that lingers like a hole in my body afterward. Right now, I am listening to the soundtrack, which is full of traditionals, sacred harp music, and old folk songs done with banjo, fiddle, cello, and eerie singing. This is the music of the south, the Appalachians, the Mississippi River under Tom Sawyer's raft. Much along the lines of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? but with a decidedly darker tone. It is the music of a war.
Here is my favorite, and the tour de force of the movie: a song written by Sting, sung by Alison Krauss. The words alone cut my heart to pieces.
( You Will Be My Ain True Love )
...
...
I know I sound like I am in very bad straits. But I'm really just fine. Content. This is often where I like to be. Sometimes you just have to let yourself ache for a time. Let it hurt until it heals.
Before I get into why, let me direct you to the latest chapter of
lilysunshine1's fic Hit the Floor. H/D, NC-17. This chapter is heartbreaking, and certainly has contributed to the wound I am feeling right now, but this is a good thing. I will get into WHY later. For now...Previous chapters
and...
Calm Before the Storm
...
Now...
My heart feels like it is bleeding. It's a slow wound. First torn open last night in the late quiet hours. I sat down and finally watched Cold Mountain. I don't know if I can talk about it just yet, except to say that I want to sit and read every last book on the Civil War, as I wanted to do when I first saw Gettysburg about eight years ago. I have always had a rabid interest in American History, and the time period of this movie is one of the most wrenching, saddening moments of my country's history. Not only was everyone fighting, we were fighting each other. Killing family, friends... and the chaos that followed each battle was horrendous and haunting.
I am finding it very difficult to pull myself out of this funk. This is nothing new, however. I thrive on movies that ellicit these emotions, and I tend to enjoy, in some very odd way, the tightness and pain that lingers like a hole in my body afterward. Right now, I am listening to the soundtrack, which is full of traditionals, sacred harp music, and old folk songs done with banjo, fiddle, cello, and eerie singing. This is the music of the south, the Appalachians, the Mississippi River under Tom Sawyer's raft. Much along the lines of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? but with a decidedly darker tone. It is the music of a war.
Here is my favorite, and the tour de force of the movie: a song written by Sting, sung by Alison Krauss. The words alone cut my heart to pieces.
( You Will Be My Ain True Love )...
...
I know I sound like I am in very bad straits. But I'm really just fine. Content. This is often where I like to be. Sometimes you just have to let yourself ache for a time. Let it hurt until it heals.
