fuckety fucking hellfuck.

Typing this with my hands tied up in ribbons is really difficult, but I have one HELL of a story to tell you.
Indigo and scarlet hues prevail among the slender bindings on my wrists, and one very cleverly-applied green ribbon has denied me the use of my index and middle fingers. My thumbs are lost. I can feel them throbbing between my palms, damp with what I hope is only sweat, but moving them is out of the question. And let's not forget the bathrobe belt impairing my ankles!

I've been growling "hellfuck" for the past four hours-- incoherently, after they shoved the fizzing whizbee into my mouth and spell-o-taped my lips together. Hellfucking twats.

Apparently Draco and Harry have a small problem with how I've been representing them in my fanfiction. Unfotu-fucking-nately, I don't give a damn, but they said that they'd come back and do this to me again if I ever wrote another story which involved a sexual relationship between them. FUcking IN DENILE. They think i didn't notice what they were up to in the kitchen while I was lying on the floor drooling whizbee foam around the tape in my rage? Yeah, arseholes, I saw that.

I had to dial up my friend lunacyandanchor using my left eyebrow, and when she finally picked up the phone I thought it wasn't her at first-- her voice sounded all wonky-- but who was I to complain, since i could only manage grunts? Happily she understood me at once and teleportied right over. Ever since her ...change... she insists there's no hard feelings about that time I locked her out of her own house. Right now she's trying to cut off the ribbonSTHAT'S MY FUCKING FINGER BIOTCH!

This post mangled beyond what even the word "fubar" can describe, thanks to guest-writer lunacyandanchor. rurounihime comments, "fuckety fuck hellfuck. I want jello."