(no subject)

[rurounihime]

I fully agree with this wonderful post from Ms. meredyth_13...

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
don't simply tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.

And I'll just add one of my own in here:

if a woman/girl/female leaves a drink or food unattended, don't put anything in that drink or food. it's not yours. she is not yours. leave the drink or food alone.

don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important.

Comments

[indigo-kitti.livejournal.com]

I fully agree, and I'm definitely re-posting this.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

^_^

[sarcastic-irony.livejournal.com]

I think all of these things are gender defying. It's not just for women.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Absolutely true.

[cornmouse.livejournal.com]

-.-;; OMG can I get any tasteless? I'm sorry. This is horribly inappropriat to post to such an entry. I'm going to delete the previous comment and email you. :x I'm sorry, doll.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I seem to have missed it anyway. *loves*

[thefaeprincess.livejournal.com]

You're right, it is the potential attackers responsiblity to keep him/herself in check. But I also think that a potential victim has a responsibility as well. It might suck that they've got to go that extra mile just to wear a short skirt or get drunk in public...but unfortunately, for men and women, the threat is very real and will not be going away any time soon. :(

To qoute a friend: First, 'responsibility' does not equate to 'fault'. If you're driving in a blizzard and you get sideswiped by a truck and run into a ditch, it's not your fault. However, it's your responsibility to have warm clothes and a cel phone and know where you are so the rescue crew can find you. If you got the truck's license number too, bravo for you. But having that won't save your ass if you don't have the means to stay alive long enough to report it. /qoute

I'm not trying to pick a fight, just adding my two-cents. Like I said, I totally agree that someone should be responsible enough not to attack someone just because it's easy, they feel like it, they think they can get away with it... But people have to be prepared for such a thing as well.

And I'm done. ^_^;

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Well, in the end, as much as I would pray that people would just grow up, take responsibility for themselves, and act (or not act) in other peoples' best interests before satisfying their own desires and "needs"... we just can't control what other people do. In the ideal world, people would not go around attacking other people. They would respect everyone's space and body, and never ever feel they were made to do such a thing as rape someone. They would not feel that that was an acceptable thing to do at all. But this isn't an ideal world by a long shot. When it comes right down to it, everyone needs to do whatever they can to keep themselves safe, even if it may mean being hemmed into behavior that is obviously not representative of their freedom to dress/eat/drink/be how they like. It isn't fair. But it is reality, and wishing it was different is not going to stop someone else from taking advantage. As much as I wish we could all dress how we want, act how we want, and go where we want (because it is our right to do those things), it's not necessarily smart or indicative of forethought to do so.

So I do agree with you on that point. I still think this list needs to be read by everyone. Because it's no joke, and these ARE our rights to safety and security. Everyone's. Even if reality keeps us from exercising them completely, it is still absolutely unacceptable for others to violate these rights, and then even more so to blame their behavior on their victim.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

*kiss*

[pieslut.livejournal.com]

Reposted. Because I am so fucking sick of rape discussions being about the victim's behavior. I mean, what the fuck? How stupid can people be?
Are they unaware of the message they're sending? Women living their lives = bad. Men hurting women = fine. Please excuse me while I puke.
Oh, and by the way, many, many more men commit sexual assault than women. So I don't find the slightest need to make the post gender neutral. Grrrr.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I think the gender issue was that men are just as much at risk of being raped as women, even if it is more often men that commit the attacks.

There is an inherent problem with the human race at this point, and probably at every point in history: no one wants to take responsibility for their actions. It's ridiculous. I mean, look at all the frivolous lawsuits being submitted. Some of them are well-placed, but most are just one person trying to milk someone else who may be slightly, vaguely, a little bit responsible for an accident.

A perfect example is something that happened to my family many years ago. A bawling kid came up to our door with his furious mother, demanding that we put our collie down because he had bitten the little boy. My mum was adamant about not doing it, and told the woman what she had seen: 1) boy rides bike down block. 2) boy sees collie sitting quietly on lawn. 3) boy rides bike over collie's back. 4) obviously, collie leaps up and bites boy. GOOD RIDDANCE. The mom changed her tune immediately, thank heaven, and took the boy home for a sound grounding or some such punishment. But often enough, the dog in such an instance would be put down as a menace, regardless of what the kid did.

That's a milder example, but indicative of the larger problem. No one wants to be responsible for backing into someone else's car, or accidentally letting their kid get too close to the hissing cat, or shoplifting from a store and getting injured while trying to escape the cops. People need to start sucking it up and taking responsibility for their actions, not passing them off on the next available person, or blaming them on the most obvious religious text.

[banjomensch.livejournal.com]

I think an important dimension to all of this is recognizing that for many rapists, the act of rape arises from sexuality that is dis-integrated with the rest of the psyche, especially from rationality and morality. But it needn't be, and isn't naturally so!

I think that part of the cultural healing that needs to take place to make rape history is to have healthy sexual expression about mutuality and respect, not violence.

Repression of sexuality, male or female, does not lead to less rape, as evidenced historically and contemporarily by repressive cultures.

Genuine sex-positivity shows people that to truly respect ones own sexuality as something precious and natural, not dirty or embarassing, one must respect other people's sexuality, which begins with respect their choice.

So we should not only condemn the culture that excuses or justifies rape, but also support erotica and pornography that shows sex to be fun, natural, and always with full consent. An exchange between equals, ideally with both partners enjoying themselves.

conclusion: not at all being tongue-in-cheek, because I wouldn't about such a serious and tragic issue, but H/D slashfic is (part of) the answer.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Well, I will say this: America is one of the most sexually repressed cultures out there. I know, what with all the "excess" and "multimedia gluttony" everyone hears and talks about, one would never suppose this. But it's so Puritan, our national attitude toward sex. Europe is so far ahead of us in just not treating it as such a huge deal. Just the tv programming of England vouches for that: movies and shows are rarely censored, even on the BBC, the public channels.

The problem with rape is that it often has more to do with violence than sexuality. It's a form of control over another person, and that is just sickening for so many reasons. But repressed sexuality and repressed attitudes toward sex in general do not help with understanding sex or rape at all. The taboo on sex needs to go, that's for sure.

And then there's the whole patriarchal control issue, and the oppression of women, and the oppression of men who don't exactly exhibit the "manly" aspects of being male. Which is another ridiculous distinction anyway. People are people. They all have rights. Control through sex is an act of ignoring that.

[ravenpan.livejournal.com]

*wibbles and snuggles you* it felt good to see that.

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

See, that's what I thought when I first saw it, too. ^_^