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Just a little fic.
Title: Waiting
Author: me
Pairing: H/D
Rating: R
Summary: Sometimes the answer hurts too much, and waiting is all you have left.
Disclaimer: Not mine. They are still JK Rowling's, lucky woman.
...
Dinner was a quiet affair. He did not say much. I hardly ate. Just twirled my pasta over and over on my fork. I heard him sigh, and when I looked up, his eyes were fixed on me.
“Harry, you should eat.”
“Not hungry.”
He didn’t argue. His food was barely touched either. He took a sip of water and I could tell it was just to give his hands something to do.
I looked at the blue stripes around the edges of my plate. “They’ll know tomorrow?”
He nodded. “I have to go in. I don’t... want to hear it over the phone. Whatever it is.”
I said nothing.
“You’re working tomorrow, yeah?”
I nodded, glancing at him. He looked away. I sat for a moment, and then rose and dumped my plate of pasta into the rubbish bin. He watched me the whole time as I rinsed the plate and then placed it in the sink and leaned against the counter. A deep breath.
"I’m going to bed,” I said. The flatness of my voice surprised even me. Then my legs could move and I went past him to the door. Caught myself on the frame.
“Draco, could— could you...”
He rose without a word and took my hand, led me down the hall to our bedroom. He sat against the headboard, folding his long legs beneath him and pulled me gently against his body. Tugged the blanket up over us. I was still in my dress shirt, untucked from my trousers. I laid my head just over his breastbone and tried to breathe normally.
I wanted to sleep. I could tell he did too, but that was impossible for both of us. His body was warm, so warm. I could not help imagining what it would feel like if the warmth left, and I jerked in an attempt to keep my sudden gasp unnoticeable.
He noticed.
“Harry, I... I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be.”
His fingers plucked at the blanket. “I wish I hadn’t been such an ass. If I’d just thought for a few minutes, this wouldn’t even be an issue!”
I was finding it harder to talk without something else coming out. His body gave a helpless shudder and I squeezed tighter.
“I’ve always been such an arrogant prick. I might as well have been asking for it, but... but we were kids, it was supposed to be— Jason wasn’t supposed to get sick. And it was so long ago, we weren’t supposed to have to worry about this kind of—”
“Draco, stop it. There’s nothing—” Tears pricked my eyelids and I bit my tongue. He was so warm, his face so warm under my fingers and the idea of cold replacing that was too much, and I needed him. I turned his head, met his mouth with mine. He gave a soft moan and stiffened, then leaned into it desperately and gathered me to him, and it was warm everywhere, and I could forget, push it aside for long enough to—
His hands were on my shirt, unbuttoning, running his fingers against my throat. I pushed my body into his. My hands were not my own; they scrabbled with his shirt, his belt buckle, his face, and he suddenly gave a low cry and pulled backward, standing, moving away from the bed. His clothing was rumpled and his eyes were glimmering with barely contained tears.
“I’m... going to sleep on the couch.”
I let him go in rigid silence and did not move until he shut the bedroom door behind him. Then I collapsed on the bed, feeling the warmth of his body drifting away under my fingertips, and cried.
* * *
I dreamed about Jason that night. I’d never met the man, but in my mind he looked like Blaise Zabini: dark curly hair, tall, with a half-smile I envied, even though Draco had told me time and again I had one to rival it. Draco had not seen Jason for three years. And then that phone call. It just was not fair.
When I woke, he had already gone to work. Where I should be. I had the sense of someone entering the room in the blue light of early morning as I slept, but it was vague and I had not woken. I made a breakfast I did not eat, got dressed, and Disapparated, only to Apparate back a moment later, my whole body shaking. I couldn’t be at work. I felt like I could not breathe.
I’d gotten my results two days ago, but they had done nothing to ease me because he sat there, face carefully blank after the initial relief had faded, and asked after his. I told him the doctors needed another two days. I’d demanded to know why but they would not say more than It’s just a formality, a hold-up in the lab.
He’d tried to be cheery that day but I watched the false emotion bleed out of both of us until silence was the only comfort we had left.
I sat on the couch, wrapping a patchwork quilt from the Weasleys around my body, and stared at the wall. The clock ticked monotonously and I waited.
* * *
I heard the door shut in the front hallway, muted by the ominous blanket of stillness that filled the house, and rose, moving silently to the living room doorway. He stood there by the closed front door, his long black winter coat hanging past his knees, and stared blankly at something before him, blinking a few times. His hair was slicked with the wet snowfall outside, and as I watched, the remaining snowflakes lingering on his eyelashes melted away. He raised one hand in front of his face and it was trembling.
His body shuddered violently. At first I thought it was laughter, but his face crumpled. He slid down the door to the floor, his thin frame shaking with sobs, and buried his face in his hands.
And the world fell away beneath my feet.
“Oh... god—” My voice was choked, someone else’s. His eyes jerked up, red-rimmed and full. His astonishment at seeing me there was obvious. I sagged against the doorframe, clutching at it, but it would not support me. Suddenly, I knew that nothing would support me.
He was on his feet in an instant, eyes wide and dark in his pale face. He caught me mid-fall and knelt, scooping me into his arms. I could feel his hands running through my hair, over my face. “Harry, Harry, wait a minute, no—”
“Oh god oh god oh god...” It was all I could say. Over and over, a prayer come too late. The irony of it filled my eyes with tears. He shushed me in a soft voice, rocking me gently.
“Harry, shhh, it’s not what you think, I’m sorry, I didn’t... you were supposed to be at work.”
I clung to him, whispering my mantra into the damp shoulder of his coat. He leaned back, took my face in his hands, and shook me once. “Harry, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m negative, it’s alright!”
I blinked at him, feeling my heart jerk in my chest. “You’re... then why were you—”
He exhaled and raised his eyes to the ceiling, pulling me close again with both hands. “Oh, god, Harry, I didn’t know you would be here. I walked all the way from the doctor’s not feeling anything. You were supposed to be at work, and I... I got inside and smelled our home, and— and you, and I couldn’t... hold it back anymore. But I’m not crying, really, it’s relief, Harry. I’m alright, I promise you, I swear. I didn’t mean to scare you, I thought you weren’t home...”
Sobs took my body then and I grabbed his face, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his nose. He let me, found my lips with his every so often, and they were burning warm and salty-tasting from his tears. I could hear him whispering softly.
“I just... didn’t fall apart until... I’ve been in a daze all day, all week... It wasn’t until I opened the front door that I realized they weren’t saying that I was negative, they were saying I was the luckiest bastard alive because I could touch you again, I could kiss you again, I could make love to you, and... not hurt you. And I had to... I just collapsed...”
“I thought... I thought you were...”
He cursed himself under his breath and kissed me so deeply my head swam. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I never meant to scare you. I was going to... make dinner or... I was going to have everything ready when you came home so I could tell you, but—”
“No,” I gasped, interrupting him. “I don’t want dinner. I want you. Now. Draco—”
He stood with a ragged moan and lifted me, locking his mouth on mine. His steps were strong and sure down the hall, and he let me down onto our bed softly, not breaking the kiss, crawling up over me until his warmth was pressed against me fully. I had never felt anything so glorious, and it stung the raw injuries of the past week, a gentle throbbing burn that reminded me I was still alive, and that he was.
He removed my clothing with a sensuousness that made me ache, his hands shaking slightly, his mouth traveling over me as if he wanted to devour me. I clung to him tightly, feeling his skin becoming slick with exertion and fought back sudden tears. He raised himself fluidly from my now-naked body and reached for his trousers where they lay half off the bed. I saw him pull a small packet out of one pocket. He looked at it wonderingly for a long moment and I stilled, looked as well, let the silence flow over us both.
His eyes met mine, dark grey, blond hair falling over them in a soft wave. He licked his lips. “Harry, I know we’re both completely clean but... I feel like I...”
I nodded and clasped his hand, weaving our fingers together. “I know.”
He looked at me and then lowered his head slowly and found my mouth, tasting me, forgetting my body for that moment as he ran his hands over my hair and face. My eyelids. Lips. When he pulled back, I saw determination and calm filling his irises. “I’m never taking any chances again." He paused and fixed his eyes on me.
"Not with you.”
Title: Waiting
Author: me
Pairing: H/D
Rating: R
Summary: Sometimes the answer hurts too much, and waiting is all you have left.
Disclaimer: Not mine. They are still JK Rowling's, lucky woman.
...
Dinner was a quiet affair. He did not say much. I hardly ate. Just twirled my pasta over and over on my fork. I heard him sigh, and when I looked up, his eyes were fixed on me.
“Harry, you should eat.”
“Not hungry.”
He didn’t argue. His food was barely touched either. He took a sip of water and I could tell it was just to give his hands something to do.
I looked at the blue stripes around the edges of my plate. “They’ll know tomorrow?”
He nodded. “I have to go in. I don’t... want to hear it over the phone. Whatever it is.”
I said nothing.
“You’re working tomorrow, yeah?”
I nodded, glancing at him. He looked away. I sat for a moment, and then rose and dumped my plate of pasta into the rubbish bin. He watched me the whole time as I rinsed the plate and then placed it in the sink and leaned against the counter. A deep breath.
"I’m going to bed,” I said. The flatness of my voice surprised even me. Then my legs could move and I went past him to the door. Caught myself on the frame.
“Draco, could— could you...”
He rose without a word and took my hand, led me down the hall to our bedroom. He sat against the headboard, folding his long legs beneath him and pulled me gently against his body. Tugged the blanket up over us. I was still in my dress shirt, untucked from my trousers. I laid my head just over his breastbone and tried to breathe normally.
I wanted to sleep. I could tell he did too, but that was impossible for both of us. His body was warm, so warm. I could not help imagining what it would feel like if the warmth left, and I jerked in an attempt to keep my sudden gasp unnoticeable.
He noticed.
“Harry, I... I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be.”
His fingers plucked at the blanket. “I wish I hadn’t been such an ass. If I’d just thought for a few minutes, this wouldn’t even be an issue!”
I was finding it harder to talk without something else coming out. His body gave a helpless shudder and I squeezed tighter.
“I’ve always been such an arrogant prick. I might as well have been asking for it, but... but we were kids, it was supposed to be— Jason wasn’t supposed to get sick. And it was so long ago, we weren’t supposed to have to worry about this kind of—”
“Draco, stop it. There’s nothing—” Tears pricked my eyelids and I bit my tongue. He was so warm, his face so warm under my fingers and the idea of cold replacing that was too much, and I needed him. I turned his head, met his mouth with mine. He gave a soft moan and stiffened, then leaned into it desperately and gathered me to him, and it was warm everywhere, and I could forget, push it aside for long enough to—
His hands were on my shirt, unbuttoning, running his fingers against my throat. I pushed my body into his. My hands were not my own; they scrabbled with his shirt, his belt buckle, his face, and he suddenly gave a low cry and pulled backward, standing, moving away from the bed. His clothing was rumpled and his eyes were glimmering with barely contained tears.
“I’m... going to sleep on the couch.”
I let him go in rigid silence and did not move until he shut the bedroom door behind him. Then I collapsed on the bed, feeling the warmth of his body drifting away under my fingertips, and cried.
* * *
I dreamed about Jason that night. I’d never met the man, but in my mind he looked like Blaise Zabini: dark curly hair, tall, with a half-smile I envied, even though Draco had told me time and again I had one to rival it. Draco had not seen Jason for three years. And then that phone call. It just was not fair.
When I woke, he had already gone to work. Where I should be. I had the sense of someone entering the room in the blue light of early morning as I slept, but it was vague and I had not woken. I made a breakfast I did not eat, got dressed, and Disapparated, only to Apparate back a moment later, my whole body shaking. I couldn’t be at work. I felt like I could not breathe.
I’d gotten my results two days ago, but they had done nothing to ease me because he sat there, face carefully blank after the initial relief had faded, and asked after his. I told him the doctors needed another two days. I’d demanded to know why but they would not say more than It’s just a formality, a hold-up in the lab.
He’d tried to be cheery that day but I watched the false emotion bleed out of both of us until silence was the only comfort we had left.
I sat on the couch, wrapping a patchwork quilt from the Weasleys around my body, and stared at the wall. The clock ticked monotonously and I waited.
* * *
I heard the door shut in the front hallway, muted by the ominous blanket of stillness that filled the house, and rose, moving silently to the living room doorway. He stood there by the closed front door, his long black winter coat hanging past his knees, and stared blankly at something before him, blinking a few times. His hair was slicked with the wet snowfall outside, and as I watched, the remaining snowflakes lingering on his eyelashes melted away. He raised one hand in front of his face and it was trembling.
His body shuddered violently. At first I thought it was laughter, but his face crumpled. He slid down the door to the floor, his thin frame shaking with sobs, and buried his face in his hands.
And the world fell away beneath my feet.
“Oh... god—” My voice was choked, someone else’s. His eyes jerked up, red-rimmed and full. His astonishment at seeing me there was obvious. I sagged against the doorframe, clutching at it, but it would not support me. Suddenly, I knew that nothing would support me.
He was on his feet in an instant, eyes wide and dark in his pale face. He caught me mid-fall and knelt, scooping me into his arms. I could feel his hands running through my hair, over my face. “Harry, Harry, wait a minute, no—”
“Oh god oh god oh god...” It was all I could say. Over and over, a prayer come too late. The irony of it filled my eyes with tears. He shushed me in a soft voice, rocking me gently.
“Harry, shhh, it’s not what you think, I’m sorry, I didn’t... you were supposed to be at work.”
I clung to him, whispering my mantra into the damp shoulder of his coat. He leaned back, took my face in his hands, and shook me once. “Harry, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m negative, it’s alright!”
I blinked at him, feeling my heart jerk in my chest. “You’re... then why were you—”
He exhaled and raised his eyes to the ceiling, pulling me close again with both hands. “Oh, god, Harry, I didn’t know you would be here. I walked all the way from the doctor’s not feeling anything. You were supposed to be at work, and I... I got inside and smelled our home, and— and you, and I couldn’t... hold it back anymore. But I’m not crying, really, it’s relief, Harry. I’m alright, I promise you, I swear. I didn’t mean to scare you, I thought you weren’t home...”
Sobs took my body then and I grabbed his face, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his nose. He let me, found my lips with his every so often, and they were burning warm and salty-tasting from his tears. I could hear him whispering softly.
“I just... didn’t fall apart until... I’ve been in a daze all day, all week... It wasn’t until I opened the front door that I realized they weren’t saying that I was negative, they were saying I was the luckiest bastard alive because I could touch you again, I could kiss you again, I could make love to you, and... not hurt you. And I had to... I just collapsed...”
“I thought... I thought you were...”
He cursed himself under his breath and kissed me so deeply my head swam. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I never meant to scare you. I was going to... make dinner or... I was going to have everything ready when you came home so I could tell you, but—”
“No,” I gasped, interrupting him. “I don’t want dinner. I want you. Now. Draco—”
He stood with a ragged moan and lifted me, locking his mouth on mine. His steps were strong and sure down the hall, and he let me down onto our bed softly, not breaking the kiss, crawling up over me until his warmth was pressed against me fully. I had never felt anything so glorious, and it stung the raw injuries of the past week, a gentle throbbing burn that reminded me I was still alive, and that he was.
He removed my clothing with a sensuousness that made me ache, his hands shaking slightly, his mouth traveling over me as if he wanted to devour me. I clung to him tightly, feeling his skin becoming slick with exertion and fought back sudden tears. He raised himself fluidly from my now-naked body and reached for his trousers where they lay half off the bed. I saw him pull a small packet out of one pocket. He looked at it wonderingly for a long moment and I stilled, looked as well, let the silence flow over us both.
His eyes met mine, dark grey, blond hair falling over them in a soft wave. He licked his lips. “Harry, I know we’re both completely clean but... I feel like I...”
I nodded and clasped his hand, weaving our fingers together. “I know.”
He looked at me and then lowered his head slowly and found my mouth, tasting me, forgetting my body for that moment as he ran his hands over my hair and face. My eyelids. Lips. When he pulled back, I saw determination and calm filling his irises. “I’m never taking any chances again." He paused and fixed his eyes on me.
"Not with you.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:27 pm (UTC)From:"Draco, could-could you…"
He rose without a word and took my hand, led me down the hall to our bedroom. He sat against the headboard, folding his long legs beneath him and pulled me gently against his body. Tugged the blanket up over us. I was still in my dress shirt, untucked from my trousers. I laid my head just over his breastbone and tried to breathe normally.
That right there is where my heart started to hurt. God, it's just. Scared and huddled up together on the bed.
...and he suddenly gave a low cry and pulled backward, standing, moving away from the bed. His clothing was rumpled and his eyes were glimmering with barely contained tears.
"I'm… going to sleep on the couch."
I let him go in rigid silence and did not move until he shut the bedroom door behind him. Then I collapsed on the bed, feeling the warmth of his body drifting away under my fingertips, and cried.
Oh GOD Rerun. This broke me. Because Draco is so...afraid/guilty/wanting/needing. And then the dream, and god, I love the detail there, what this Jason looks like in Harry's mind. And then Draco is gone when he leaves, and I know that somewhere deep down inside he probably wanted to just hide there with Harry forever, but because he's Draco, he got up and left, and all alone.
I'd gotten my results two days ago, but they did nothing to ease me because he sat there, face carefully blank after the initial relief had faded, and asked after his. I told him the doctors needed another two days.
And there is the kick in the gut. It's so good, SO GOOD, and so real and important.
His body shuddered violently. At first I thought it was laughter, but his face crumpled. He slid down the door to the floor, his thin frame shaking with sobs, and buried his face in his hands.
And the world feel away beneath my feet.
Oh jesus woman...this. Ouch. Because it's Draco, and he doesn't fall apart like that, not in front of people, and anything that could make him has got to be something terrifying. I love this, because it is SO HIM. He thinks he's alone, thinks Harry is safe at work, and that he has a moment to just let go of it all, where he doesn't have to make himself stay strong, doesn't have to hide. But this time, this time Harry finally gets to see. And the next bit...oh my poor aching heart.
"Oh, god, Harry, I didn't know you would be here. I walked all the way from the doctor's not feeling anything. You were supposed to be at work, and I… I got inside and smelled our home, and-and you, and I couldn't… hold it back anymore. But I'm not crying, really, it's relief, Harry. I'm alright, I promise you, I swear. I didn't mean to scare you, I thought you weren't home…"
YES. Just yes. That's Draco on the inside.
" It wasn't until I opened the front door that I realized that they weren't saying that I was negative, they were saying I was the luckiest bastard alive because I could touch you again, I could kiss you again. I could make love to you, and… not hurt you. And I had to… I just collapsed…"
Quite possibly one of my favorite lines of yours...because the feeling there. Because of just how much Harry means to him, how much of his sight Harry takes up, how much of Draco's world revolves around him.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:27 pm (UTC)From:I saw him pull a small packet out of one pocket. He looked at it wonderingly for a long moment and I stilled, looked as well, let the silence flow over us both.
His eyes met mine, dark grey, blond hair falling over them in a soft wave. He licked his lips. "Harry, I know we're both completely clean but… I feel like I…"
I nodded and clasped his hand, weaving our fingers together. "I know."
Some of the most meaningful and important lines in fandom right there, m'dear. Because we do ignore it too often, and we shouldn't.
“I’m never taking any chances again." He paused and fixed his eyes on me.
"Not with you.”
YES. This is one of the best things you've written, I swear. It's just so real. Strikes a chord in EVERYONE. Or at least it should. It's raw, and desperate, and all of the things I love about your writing. GAH. Can't even get out what I want to say...it's just SO FREAKING GOOD.
*snogs you endlessly*
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Date: 2004-12-13 03:37 pm (UTC)From:What a wonderful subject to base a fic on. So very important, and real. I have a friend that is going this right now. Waiting, for the same reason. I can see how hard it is in his eyes, and you have done a beautiful job of capturing that feeling here.
Your writing slays me everytime, and I never know exactly what to say.
Just beautiful!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:45 pm (UTC)From:Thank you, love. I am very moved that this fic effected you so deeply. Really, it's the best compliment I can get, what you have said here. Thank you for such a wonderful heartfelt review.
My thoughts and best wishes go out to your friend. I hope everything turns out alright.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:38 pm (UTC)From:Therefore I would not know how fucking brilliant this fic is.
I would not be in a position to say how enoyable it was to read.
Because I don't read Harry/Draco.
You understand.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:47 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:40 pm (UTC)From:*Brain has melted from intesnsity of it*
I am stunned. Dammit, you made me cry. So heartbrakingly real. That is how Draco is supposed to show emotions,when he thinks nobody's there, and you hit it directly on the spot.
You hear that sound? That's my heart damned near breaking, and me sniffling from the almost tears. Awesome. Truely, amesome.
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Date: 2004-12-13 03:49 pm (UTC)From:That is how Draco is supposed to show emotions,when he thinks nobody's there, and you hit it directly on the spot.
Exactly. Draco hides his inside thoughts from the world. He wants to be strong, feels he needs to be that way, especially in this situation. Thank you.
You hear that sound? That's my heart damned near breaking, and me sniffling from the almost tears.
*hands tissues* Oh, I am sorry! Thank you for this outburst of emotion. *kisses it better*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:46 pm (UTC)From:Sorry my comment's really short, I just woke up and the first thing I read was this.
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Date: 2004-12-13 03:53 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:52 pm (UTC)From:It's like the slash Gods answered my prayer.
This was fantastic. The emotional turmoil... the way I could really feel Harry's pain while waiting for the results. Thank you so much for sharing, I shall rec this in my journal :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:58 pm (UTC)From:THANK YOU. So much. For the rec, for the review, for such... NICE comments. I am blushing so red... Thank you for reading my fic, and for getting so into it. *smooch*
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Date: 2004-12-13 03:55 pm (UTC)From:This one is truly beautiful. Not a lot of people write about these things and it's about time. I'd start quoting all the lines that touched me but I'd probably end up quoting the whole fic. So instead I'll just say that you are an amazing, brilliant writer. Thank you for sharing. ♥
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Date: 2004-12-13 04:04 pm (UTC)From:Ohhhh... *wimpers* Oh, sweets, thank you! And I'm sorry I make your emotions go all haywire. But I am so GLAD you get so involved in my work...
Not a lot of people write about these things and it's about time. I'd start quoting all the lines that touched me but I'd probably end up quoting the whole fic. So instead I'll just say that you are an amazing, brilliant writer.
Again, thank you, and you are so right. Not many people address this in fandom, and I feel guilty for not paying attention to it sooner. Kind of my salute to AIDS day, somewhat late.
THANK YOU for the third time. You've made my day.
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Date: 2004-12-13 03:59 pm (UTC)From:Lily has already left you with such a stunning review, and has stolen all of the lines I would have wanted to quote, so I will simply leave it with a thank you for such a wonderfully honest piece of fiction.
(oh.. and welcome back, I am hoping that now that school is finished we will have you back amoung the writing of H/D for a while? please? :D)
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Date: 2004-12-13 04:03 pm (UTC)From:(no subject)
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Date: 2004-12-13 04:01 pm (UTC)From:"Not with you.”
YES. So perfect. The entire fic had me wound tight with the most horrible anticipation. So much anguish and heartache and worry, and then suddenly it all breaks and the tension snaps and I'm left taking long deep breaths and trying to slow my heartbeat back down while wondering when the hell it started beating so fast. Talk about catharsis.
Also, have friended you. I figured it was about damn time, considering how much I enjoyed "Escape", "Simply Charming", and "Six Days at the Villa". :D
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 04:13 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 04:53 pm (UTC)From:*gives standing ovation* You deserve it for this.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 05:26 pm (UTC)From:(no subject)
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Date: 2004-12-13 04:59 pm (UTC)From:Tears pricked my eyelids and I bit my tongue. He was so warm, his face so warm under my fingers and the idea of cold replacing that was too much, and I needed him The need he felt is so apparent and the waiting really hurts after feeling it.
Draco's breakdown was just so real and I was so afraid for him. But then his words of comfort to Harry were so perfect. They were so honest and it made complete sense. I feel like I've said this too much already but I this was one of the most real stories out there. I think the fact that it is a true problem for so many just hits harder. It was just perfect.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 05:32 pm (UTC)From:Thank you for getting so involved in Draco in this story, and in Harry as well. You got what I was trying to do with both of them, and I love that you were right there with them through the fic.
And you are right. It IS a real problem, and I think fandom fics gloss over it, or don't address it, often through no fault of the writers'... people just don't think about it all the time. I am guilty of this, absolutely. This is my attempt to make up for it. I am so glad you liked it. Thank you for the astounding review! *smooch*
Oh my....
Date: 2004-12-13 05:20 pm (UTC)From:I would comment on specific lines, but it was all just so good, I can't pick one.
Re: Oh my....
Date: 2004-12-13 05:38 pm (UTC)From:wow
Date: 2004-12-13 05:41 pm (UTC)From:Re: wow
Date: 2004-12-13 05:47 pm (UTC)From:It needs to be posted everywhere, especially where the younger ones can read it.
Any suggestions? I would love for the younger writers to see it because the subject needs to be addressed in the fandom.
*smooch*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 05:52 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 05:57 pm (UTC)From:*is speechless*
All I can say is THANK YOU. For addressing my fic as something other than the usual, and for liking it so much. I am so flattered that you think these things, and you have compliemnted me so much... I really wanted to push the love and devotion, the fear and sense of terror, and I see from what you have said that it came through. I think love is so much more moving and arousing than pure smut. When there is something to lose, that is what makes it worthwhile. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Your review... has made me feel very warm inside.
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Date: 2004-12-13 07:12 pm (UTC)From:Wow.
Utter and total Wow.
so good to see an issue like this addressed in fic... I know that I myself am guilty of ignoring this little bit of importants to Real Life.
And you captured it.
Not only did you capture it, but you wove this heartrending tale through Harry's codependancy, and Draco's inability to break down in front of ANYONE, needint to be completely alone to show any major emotion.
and harry saw it.
I was like harry, I'd misinterpreted it, and just wanted to cry, I myself was praying that please, let it be a misunderstanding, and when Draco was able to finally get through harry, they both were finallya ble to get through to me.
And at the end, the unwillingness to take chances, even thought they both knew for fact they were clean.
super powerful.
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Date: 2004-12-13 08:08 pm (UTC)From:Wow, when you put it this way you make me feel so accomplished and... just... wonderful! Thank you. It is so who they are to me... Thank you for noticing all of this.
I was like harry, I'd misinterpreted it, and just wanted to cry, I myself was praying that please, let it be a misunderstanding, and when Draco was able to finally get through harry, they both were finallya ble to get through to me.
Thank you for that. It's exactly what I was trying for, and you got it perfectly. You are making me smile so widely...
super powerful.
Thank you so much, again. You've read the story exactly as I intended it to be read, and you picked up on so much, some things I meant for, and other things I did not, and I love your reading. THANK YOU. *kiss*
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Date: 2004-12-13 08:37 pm (UTC)From:as my friend emily would say 'it hit me like a mack truck'
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Date: 2004-12-13 08:46 pm (UTC)From:I have a quote for your Draco OMG icon: "Most impressive, Potter. Ain't gonna fit here, though."
as my friend emily would say 'it hit me like a mack truck'
Yay! I say that, too!
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:25 pm (UTC)From:The writing itself was superb, as usual, and as usual I found myself dragged into the story, hoping like hell everything would turn out alright. And that last line...wow. Pure magic. Yet another splendid piece, but from you I'm beginning to expect nothing less.
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:49 pm (UTC)From:Ooh, sorry! *bows head* But you are right. All is well again. Second chances are golden if they are not wasted.
Yet another splendid piece, but from you I'm beginning to expect nothing less.
Wow, thank you! *blushes fitfully* Really, thank you. What a marvelous thing to hear...
I'm so glad you got so caught up in it. Really compliments me as a writer. And the last line: so glad it worked for you. I was shaky on the ending. Still am, a little bit. But I love that you loved it. Thank you for such a heart-filling review! You've made my night. ^__^
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:34 pm (UTC)From:And hooray for condom use, I suppose.
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:50 pm (UTC)From:ABSOLUTELY hooray for condom use. ^_^
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:43 pm (UTC)From:The need to be together and yet fearing the reprisals of past transgressions, especially with such a serious matter, was so well handled and even in the end, the rawness of something thought lost but now found, really does strike a chord.
*Absolutely adores you.*
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Date: 2004-12-13 10:56 pm (UTC)From:Awww, much too nice! My head is getting bigger... ^_~
The need to be together and yet fearing the reprisals of past transgressions, especially with such a serious matter, was so well handled and even in the end, the rawness of something thought lost but now found, really does strike a chord.
Oh, you've nailed it again. You always do. I love your readings of my stories. Thank you so much for getting at the meat of it all. And for being so struck by it. I did not know this fic was going to hit so hard... other people have been flooring me with their comments, and yours is no exception. I loff you lots for this. *adores you MORE*
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Date: 2004-12-14 12:27 am (UTC)From:Guh. Thankyou.
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Date: 2004-12-14 09:47 am (UTC)From:(no subject)
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Date: 2004-12-14 03:34 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 09:49 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 04:22 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 09:52 am (UTC)From:(no subject)
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Date: 2004-12-14 07:59 am (UTC)From:I feel so incompetent because the other people have left so much but I can't even think of anything to say that will actually describe the beauty of this story. But I'll have a stab at it all the same because you are purely a wonderful writer. It was so intense and so emotional. I almost cried in a public place!
*loves*
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Date: 2004-12-14 09:56 am (UTC)From:*wibbles*
Ahhh, you are going to make me cry! Oh, lordy. Thank you so much! Jeez, the feedback on this fic has been mindblowing. Thank you so much for reading it, for investing yourself in it, and for allowing it to effect you this way. I'm tearing up... wow, you are wonderful. ^__^
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Date: 2004-12-14 08:55 am (UTC)From:This made me hurt all over, but a fic like this really did need to be written. Lily pretty much said it all,(I just wanted to say "What she said!" heh) but I had to tell you how much this touched me.
I had never felt anything so glorious, and it stung the raw injuries of the past week, a gentle throbbing burn that reminded me I was still alive, and that he was.
Tears of relief were rolling down my face. I could taste the fresh air that Harry was sucking in, and hear that sobs as Draco fell apart from the weight being lifted. That was both so beautiful and so painful to watch. When Harry cried out that he didn't want dinner, I was a mess.
The end with the condom was a great move. I could so believe that neither of them ever wanted to go through a scare like that again.
*hugs*
Amazing work, as always,
~J~
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Date: 2004-12-14 10:07 am (UTC)From:Oh god... *cries* You are too much, Fru, all of this is making me wibble so badly... You were with them every step of the way! Thank you so much for immersing yourself like this... It's a sort of giving over that I adore you for.
The end with the condom was a great move. I could so believe that neither of them ever wanted to go through a scare like that again.
EXACTLY. Nothing is worth that fear, not for either of them. And Draco can't stand the thought of doing something inadvertantly to Harry... Too much. Too too much. I love you for pointing the fear out.
*cries some more* Oh, girl, THANK YOU. You've made me feel so happy and so wibbly all at once. I love you so much lots entirely.
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Date: 2004-12-14 12:05 pm (UTC)From:Astonishing. I agree with what Lilo wrote in her rec that this is something not often dealt with in fic. It's sort of in my gargantuan post-Hogwarts fic but not so directly.
I thought this seemed really wonderfully real and heart-rending and I adore you for writing it.
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Date: 2004-12-14 12:14 pm (UTC)From:I really wanted to go a different direction than my usual. I'm so glad you liked this. It means a lot to me, and I know I have said that to you before, but it's still true.
Were you talking about Song of Myself? Because I am totally into that fic!
And I will have to have a chat with Lilo about stealing all the stuff. ^_~
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