Ru's Depressing Drabble # 5

[rurounihime]

In the grand recent tradition of Ru inundating you all with short depressing H/D drabble, I present this. I think I have cleansed something though, so hopefully happier pieces will follow.

DISCLAIMER: Not my boys. They belong to JK. *sob* Contains SLASH.

Rated R, unless people think it should be higher.

"I have to go," Harry said in a low voice.

Draco frowned absently from where he sat against the wall. Harry sat across the narrow room from him, toying with his wand. His green eyes were fixed on Draco from beneath his lashes.

"Now?"

"Soon."

Harry rose slowly, reluctantly. He stood there, biting his lip, looking down at Draco. The Slytherin knew his own expression was faintly accusatory, and struggled to wipe it away. To put something more appropriate in its place. But he had lost a little of the control he normally possessed, and it was difficult.

Harry sighed and looked away. "Draco, I just want you to know that... to know that..."

He broke off, shaking his head. Draco felt his stomach roll. He scrambled to his feet and took an unsteady step toward Harry. The other man backed up a bit, more out of allowance for his forward movement than surprise. Their eyes met.

"You have to fight him? Now." Draco swallowed, staring hard at Harry. The Gryffindor's shoulders lifted sadly.

"Dumbledore says he's coming. That it's time."

"Harry--"

Harry shied away from Draco's outstretched arm, backing into the closed door. He hugged himself in the dim light. "Draco, I'm... I..."

Draco's heart twinged painfully. He stepped toward Harry more slowly, and this time, the other young man allowed him to enfold him in his arms. Draco did so carefully, leaning them back against the door and resting his head on Harry's shoulder, suddenly unwilling to ever let this warm body loose from his grasp.

Harry's voice came softly to his ear. "There's never enough time. For us."

Draco leaned back, turning Harry's face to his and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. "You have me right now. Until you go."

Harry shook his head so sorrowfully that Draco couldn't breathe. "But I wanted to... you-- a-and I... and now..."

Draco swallowed against the dread that was slowly inflating in his chest. He saw what Harry was getting at through a milky haze, tasted the defeat that accompanied it. He knew the best way to banish it, but wasn't sure if Harry could take it right now. The boy was about to crumble, right there in his arms.

"There's time, Harry." Draco let his hands drift down to Harry's waist, tucking his fingers in to undo the buttons of his trousers. Harry looked up at him slowly, blinking, and suddenly his breath caught and he grabbed Draco's hands.

"No." Harry was shaking his head, more at himself than at Draco. "I can't. You can't."

Draco entwined his fingers with Harry's and pulled him closer, kissing his throat lightly.

"Why won't you let me give this to you?" he whispered, feeling his voice shake. He could almost feel the quiver of Harry's throat against his lips.

Harry did not even look at him. "Because you should give it to someone who... I may not be here. To return it."

Draco looked at Harry for what felt like ages. The young man's head was turned from him, eyes closed. He looked as if he were sleeping, standing against the door, except... The tiniest shivers of emotion broke through in the way his lips tightened. An avalanche of pain, just waiting to tumble. To overtake and bury.

Draco knelt, pulling his eyes from Harry and began to undo the buttons on his trousers, slowly. Which is why he didn't see the expression on Harry's face when he spoke.

"Draco... no. Please don't..."

He didn't answer, only slid Harry's pants and boxers down, gradually revealing pale skin untouched by the sun. Harry's hands on his shoulders, fingers gripping, pleading silently with him to stop, yet not removing his hands.

"Draco..."

"Shhhh..." Draco pressed a gentle kiss to the space just below Harry's navel, felt the muscles there shiver. He turned to kiss Harry's hip, letting his lips linger.

Harry's body was shaking when Draco took him into his mouth, and he ran gentle hands over his hips, steadying the jerky movement he felt there. At some point, Harry's gasps became sobs, his fingers tangling in Draco's hair, and Draco felt something tear irreversibly in his chest. He felt Harry slump, clinging to his neck and shoulder with wide clutching hands. Hot tears dripping into his hair. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to feel them.

Harry came with a violent jerk, arching against the wall. Draco released him silently and rested his head against Harry's stomach, sliding his arms around to his back and clinging there. Harry's fingers wove into his hair, warm points on his scalp, and his body hitched somewhere between deep breaths and quieting sobs. For a long time, Draco just sat there listening to the muted thud of Harry's heart. If he moved it would all flood away and he couldn't have that. Not yet.

He felt Harry lift his head, drawing him to his feet. He pulled Harry's fallen clothing up as he stood, focusing on buckling his pants and setting everything to rights instead of on the eyes he knew were fixed on him.

"Why did you... Draco...?"

Draco shook his head wordlessly. Harry was breathing softly, he could feel the tiny suck and pull as if they came from his own lungs. He heard Harry swallow, heard the tears still waiting behind his eyes.

"Draco."

This time Draco looked up, met Harry's eyes, and saw that they were red and wide, about to shut down again. He raised a hand, cursing himself for its tremble, and took Harry's chin gently, holding his face still. He tried to speak but his throat was closed.

Harry's face threatened to collapse. "I don't want to go."

Draco listened to the words, looked into Harry's eyes and heard instead, I don't want to die.

I don't want to leave you.

"I want... you to bring this back," Draco whispered. "To me."

Harry nodded shakily. His eyes flickered all over Draco's face, and he watched them, spellbound, thinking that maybe time had taken pity on him and frozen. In a sudden movement, Harry pulled Draco in and kissed him deeply, tugging at him as if he needed to pull him inside his own body. Draco would have been happy to go.

But Harry let go of him instead and turned away, opening the door and walking through it. Draco looked at the wall as he left, until the door closed, until his footsteps faded down the stairs, until the room grew colder. He sat down in the middle of the floor, next to his wand where he had dropped it. Only then did he let the flood come, and allow himself to sink under it.

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I tend to channel my current emotions through my writing. Okay, I feel better. Thank you for reading!

Comments

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I would love for that to be the case. I don't like giving the boys sad endings, even though I have done it from time to time. This was left open-ended just for that purpose: read it as you wish. I personally see Harry returning whole and sound, and Draco welcoming him back. ^_^

Thanks for reading.