Ru's Depressing Drabble # 5

[rurounihime]

In the grand recent tradition of Ru inundating you all with short depressing H/D drabble, I present this. I think I have cleansed something though, so hopefully happier pieces will follow.

DISCLAIMER: Not my boys. They belong to JK. *sob* Contains SLASH.

Rated R, unless people think it should be higher.

"I have to go," Harry said in a low voice.

Draco frowned absently from where he sat against the wall. Harry sat across the narrow room from him, toying with his wand. His green eyes were fixed on Draco from beneath his lashes.

"Now?"

"Soon."

Harry rose slowly, reluctantly. He stood there, biting his lip, looking down at Draco. The Slytherin knew his own expression was faintly accusatory, and struggled to wipe it away. To put something more appropriate in its place. But he had lost a little of the control he normally possessed, and it was difficult.

Harry sighed and looked away. "Draco, I just want you to know that... to know that..."

He broke off, shaking his head. Draco felt his stomach roll. He scrambled to his feet and took an unsteady step toward Harry. The other man backed up a bit, more out of allowance for his forward movement than surprise. Their eyes met.

"You have to fight him? Now." Draco swallowed, staring hard at Harry. The Gryffindor's shoulders lifted sadly.

"Dumbledore says he's coming. That it's time."

"Harry--"

Harry shied away from Draco's outstretched arm, backing into the closed door. He hugged himself in the dim light. "Draco, I'm... I..."

Draco's heart twinged painfully. He stepped toward Harry more slowly, and this time, the other young man allowed him to enfold him in his arms. Draco did so carefully, leaning them back against the door and resting his head on Harry's shoulder, suddenly unwilling to ever let this warm body loose from his grasp.

Harry's voice came softly to his ear. "There's never enough time. For us."

Draco leaned back, turning Harry's face to his and pressing a soft kiss on his lips. "You have me right now. Until you go."

Harry shook his head so sorrowfully that Draco couldn't breathe. "But I wanted to... you-- a-and I... and now..."

Draco swallowed against the dread that was slowly inflating in his chest. He saw what Harry was getting at through a milky haze, tasted the defeat that accompanied it. He knew the best way to banish it, but wasn't sure if Harry could take it right now. The boy was about to crumble, right there in his arms.

"There's time, Harry." Draco let his hands drift down to Harry's waist, tucking his fingers in to undo the buttons of his trousers. Harry looked up at him slowly, blinking, and suddenly his breath caught and he grabbed Draco's hands.

"No." Harry was shaking his head, more at himself than at Draco. "I can't. You can't."

Draco entwined his fingers with Harry's and pulled him closer, kissing his throat lightly.

"Why won't you let me give this to you?" he whispered, feeling his voice shake. He could almost feel the quiver of Harry's throat against his lips.

Harry did not even look at him. "Because you should give it to someone who... I may not be here. To return it."

Draco looked at Harry for what felt like ages. The young man's head was turned from him, eyes closed. He looked as if he were sleeping, standing against the door, except... The tiniest shivers of emotion broke through in the way his lips tightened. An avalanche of pain, just waiting to tumble. To overtake and bury.

Draco knelt, pulling his eyes from Harry and began to undo the buttons on his trousers, slowly. Which is why he didn't see the expression on Harry's face when he spoke.

"Draco... no. Please don't..."

He didn't answer, only slid Harry's pants and boxers down, gradually revealing pale skin untouched by the sun. Harry's hands on his shoulders, fingers gripping, pleading silently with him to stop, yet not removing his hands.

"Draco..."

"Shhhh..." Draco pressed a gentle kiss to the space just below Harry's navel, felt the muscles there shiver. He turned to kiss Harry's hip, letting his lips linger.

Harry's body was shaking when Draco took him into his mouth, and he ran gentle hands over his hips, steadying the jerky movement he felt there. At some point, Harry's gasps became sobs, his fingers tangling in Draco's hair, and Draco felt something tear irreversibly in his chest. He felt Harry slump, clinging to his neck and shoulder with wide clutching hands. Hot tears dripping into his hair. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to feel them.

Harry came with a violent jerk, arching against the wall. Draco released him silently and rested his head against Harry's stomach, sliding his arms around to his back and clinging there. Harry's fingers wove into his hair, warm points on his scalp, and his body hitched somewhere between deep breaths and quieting sobs. For a long time, Draco just sat there listening to the muted thud of Harry's heart. If he moved it would all flood away and he couldn't have that. Not yet.

He felt Harry lift his head, drawing him to his feet. He pulled Harry's fallen clothing up as he stood, focusing on buckling his pants and setting everything to rights instead of on the eyes he knew were fixed on him.

"Why did you... Draco...?"

Draco shook his head wordlessly. Harry was breathing softly, he could feel the tiny suck and pull as if they came from his own lungs. He heard Harry swallow, heard the tears still waiting behind his eyes.

"Draco."

This time Draco looked up, met Harry's eyes, and saw that they were red and wide, about to shut down again. He raised a hand, cursing himself for its tremble, and took Harry's chin gently, holding his face still. He tried to speak but his throat was closed.

Harry's face threatened to collapse. "I don't want to go."

Draco listened to the words, looked into Harry's eyes and heard instead, I don't want to die.

I don't want to leave you.

"I want... you to bring this back," Draco whispered. "To me."

Harry nodded shakily. His eyes flickered all over Draco's face, and he watched them, spellbound, thinking that maybe time had taken pity on him and frozen. In a sudden movement, Harry pulled Draco in and kissed him deeply, tugging at him as if he needed to pull him inside his own body. Draco would have been happy to go.

But Harry let go of him instead and turned away, opening the door and walking through it. Draco looked at the wall as he left, until the door closed, until his footsteps faded down the stairs, until the room grew colder. He sat down in the middle of the floor, next to his wand where he had dropped it. Only then did he let the flood come, and allow himself to sink under it.

...
...
...

I tend to channel my current emotions through my writing. Okay, I feel better. Thank you for reading!

Comments

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I love Japanese food. I'm a total sushi hound. I learned how to make sushi from my Aikido instructor a while ago, and that was certainly fun. But it's a lot of work. You have to wash the rice about five times before you can even start.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

I do love sushi. I'm very impressed that you've learnt to make it. I know it looks simple, but as with most things Japanese, that is a very disceiving image. Do you slice the fish yourself or do you buy it prepared and make the rice?

How long have you studied Akido? (Is it just me or are you not answering any of the questions I've been asking?)

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Sorry, about that, got a little wrapped up in sushi-goodness. Haha, wrapped up! Didn't intend that one...

I make sushi, but I actually stay away from the sashimi (fish), because I am paranoid about raw fish. Usually my sushi consists of shrimp, avocados, veggies, ginger, and other things like that. Crab. Yes, crab. I am not all that good at making the sushi. I guess in Japan they train sushi chefs for ten years on rice prep alone! Kind of daunting.

I took Aikido for two years about seven years ago, and then started up again at college. I'm not all that serious about it. Just there to have fun rolling and throwing folks. But it's great fun. Have you done it?

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

No worries. Always glad to hear others go on about sushi. Do you eat raw fish at nice sushi restaurants?

I have never learnt Aikido, but I do study Karate.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I do eat sashimi sometimes, but I am much more sushi-savvy. Not too fond of fish in general, unless it's tuna. The sushi restaurants here are fairly expensive, so I don't go often. But there are some good ones.

I haven't done Karate. I did Tai Kwon Do very briefly, and that was fun, but I ended up going back to Aikido. Learned some good kicks and punches, though.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

Mmm...fish. Healthy CA fish! Are those places popular for parental visits?

Kicks and punches are a good to know how to do, but you have to do what you enjoy most.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

My mum takes me out to Japanese when I come home to visit. Whole family likes Japanese. And yes, fish is very healthy. Apparently, if you eat fish at least once a week, it strengthens your heart. Makes me feel happy that I don't recoil from sashimi ultimately.

Why Karate, if I may ask?

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

Good Mum! Yes, fish is very healthy and one could do worse than to eat fish every day (although the mercury levels of certain fish must be paid attention to, of course).

Why karate? I think, at least at my school, that it represents a good balance. They teach punching, kicking, blocking and tumbling, grappling, etc. So one really becomes a well rounded fighter and/or defender.

Plus, they keep it ver yhot in there...good exercise.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Ooh, mercury... Hmm, hadn't been paying attention to that... Have to check up on it, thanks.

I bet it does give you a really good workout. When i was doing Tai Kwon Do, I got tired out really fast, and then I just had to keep going.

I didn't know Karate did all of that! Tumbling, kicking, throwing... Wow, that's great. Maybe that's a good one to look into. I don't know all that much about it at the moment.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

The workout is intense. And it just keeps going!

I don't know that all karate schools do that. Mine does. But either way, where Tai Kwon Do focuses on kicking, karate at least focuses on punching and kicking.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Yeah, each martial art is different. It's neat to compare them to each other. I was really thrilled to find out that Aikido is actually designed to block sword attacks. It uses the same movements as if you were handling a katana.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

Huh! I didn't know that. I thought it was about using the oponent's body strike against them by working with his or her momentum/energy to throw down. I love how much I learn here. Thank you!

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Sure thing. And it is for using your opponent's energy as well, and redirecting it to help you instead... but our teacher had us wielding wooden practice swords at one point, and he was showing us how it related to the Aikido throws. It was fascinating.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

It sounds fascinating. I always like when a good teacher can draw the mind to extend context and make a larger point.

Re: Teh Chocolatey Goodness

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's very involved and invigorating when youa re challenged like that.